An experienced man advise.

Most people who are looking for a serious relationship on a dating site ask: how many months do you need to correspond on the Internet before you meet someone in person?



Of course, there is no simple answer to that. Some meet up after a month of correspondence or communication on Skype, others after two or three months. It all depends on the circumstances. Not everyone can at any given moment quit work and all his affairs for a few days and take off to another country. Especially if the man and the woman live in opposite corners of the world. But no matter how near or far apart they are, I do not advise delaying the meeting. Sometimes people make a big mistake of not hurrying to look each other in the eyes. They sit for hours in Skype, talking, laughing, watching each other, often falling in love with the person at the other side of the screen, and it seems that here it is, my other half, found at last. But this may be an illusion. Nothing can substitute a meeting in person.



I knew it from the start, so I developed a clear strategy when I decided to find a wife. Here I am sharing my experiences.



I tried to meet women from my city or the surrounding areas. I would go to meetings as I do to work. Given that the meetings took place after the day's work, it was very tiring. Saturdays and Sundays were free of meetings for me, I rested. Every evening I met five women. Half an hour for each. The first date at 18-30, the last at 20-30. I warned them from the start that I was very busy and could only spend 30 minutes at the appointment. Women never minded, quite on the contrary, they even replied that they too had no free time, especially since the next day we both had to go to work. Thirty minutes is quite enough to understand whether this is your type of person or not. We had the time to drink a cup of coffee, perhaps even two. There happened times when I would fancy the woman and I was willing to call her out on a second date to get to know her better, but she would tell me that I was not exactly her type. It also happened that the woman would want to move to the next stage, but I had to refuse. Sometimes our opinions coincided. Sometimes we felt mutual aversion after five minutes of dialogue, and the 30 minutes were not needed at all.



Four times I had to take a ride to another city, so impressed was I by talking to those women online that I decided to go. And twice I even flew to different countries. I combined, so to speak, the pleasant and the useful: I met the women and I took a look at the countries.



Thus, my search of the wife lasted five months. She was five hundred and twenty ninth. ))))



But a friend of mine was into correspondence with a woman for one year and two months, he thought she was his fate, but when they met, they did not work it out. With the second one he corresponded and talked on Skype for eight months, but also nothing came out of it. My friend got angry and decided not to waste time any more: he went to meet the third woman after three weeks of on line communication. And he married her!



It does happen! Meet, meet, and you are sure to find the person, predestined for you!



Yan Braun

Women and work.

In this article I would like to talk about work and women who marry foreigners and move to another country. The work issue needs to be discussed as soon as possible � preferably, at the first stage of becoming acquainted with one another. If the potential partners have different ideas and plans about work, their relationship is very likely to fail. It doesn�t make any sense to avoid talking about work because this issue will surface sooner or later anyway.

Before you start looking for a Russian wife, it is important to understand that any woman will agree to change her life so radically and move to another country only if she knows that this marriage and relocation will change her life for the better, not worse. Every woman has a different idea about what is this �better�. Any kind of a relatively well to do, comfortable life will seem like a paradise to a woman who has a low paid job, survives from paycheck to paycheck, has debts, eats bad food, and wears the same blouse for five years. She�ll learn the language of her new country and will be able to get a low paid job similar to that which she used to have in Russia. However, a woman who has higher education, a well-paid, professional job, an apartment and a car, and who is used to get things that she wants will not agree to move to another country if she cannot live a similar (or better!) kind of life. No one would agree to change his or her life for worse.

I often come across foreign men who don�t want to meet with a woman without higher education even though they themselves do not have one. This always surprises me. They want a beautiful, smart, educated, self-sufficient woman, for example a doctor, a bank manager, a lawyer, or a government employee. At this point it is time to think carefully � what can you offer to the woman who is successful enough and doesn�t really need anything except a family?  We have to keep in mind that her level of comfort has to remain the same or to become even better. Here I can see several possible situations.

Situation 1.  A man doesn�t want (or cannot afford) his woman to be a housewife and a mother; he needs a woman who also works. However, a Russian woman won�t be able to find a job as good as the one she already has in Russia, and she is not willing to become a waitress or a dishwasher for obvious reasons.

Situation 2.A man doesn�t mind that his wife stays at home, but the woman doesn�t want to live her life like that. She wants to work, but she doesn�t realize how hard it will be to become employed in another country. Nobody tells her about the reality of getting a job in a foreign country. She naively thinks that she will learn the language very fast and then be able to get the same type of job as in Russia, working as a doctor, a teacher, or a bank employee. When the time comes, she realizes how mistaken she was and feels disappointed. You probably know how much time is needed to learn the language on a professional level and receive education in another country. With Russian education, even if you know the language perfectly, a good job will remain just a dream. All this leads to arguments and problems in the family.

Situation 3.A woman is willing to become a housewife, and you don�t mind that either. In this case you need to decide in advance how you will manage your family money. How much money will your wife have to buy things she wants? What exactly will she be able to afford and how often? You need to discuss this to avoid misunderstandings and arguments in the future. No woman would want to sit at home without working and having any pocket money because she is used to a different lifestyle.

Men who are already married to Russian women know that having a Russian wife is not economical. Even modest and simple Russian girls will have to go to Russia regularly to visit their parents and other relatives, or to invite them to the new country and pay for their trip there.

I have written about it in my other article, and I will repeat it again: a woman has to know exactly what she can expect in her marriage. She needs to know that for your own benefit. There is no need to promise great fortunes and riches if you are unable to provide them. You have to be honest and tell her the facts so she can make her decision. If you lie, she will be disappointed later on and your marriage will end.

What else do I see quite often? Men come to me for the individual wife search. In order to do my job well, I need to know what type of woman the man is seeking. Some men cannot give me any meaningful response when I ask them what kind of life awaits their future wives and how they imagine their lives with Russian women. Do they want women to work or to sit at home, taking care of the household?  Do they realize that a well-educated woman will not be willing to work as a dishwasher in a restaurant? Amazingly, men cannot answer these questions.  I get an impression that they are looking not only for a beautiful doll, but also for a free maid. It is no secret that Russian women are the best wives in the world. Well, this won�t work. Russian women also know their value, and in exchange for what they give you they need to receive something back. A one-sided relationship will not work. Russian women, like all other women in the world, have their own needs, dreams, and wishes that they want to come true. Like any human being, a Russian woman wants to better her life � not the other way around.

Yes, there are many trickster girls who are into scams, but there are also good women who are being tricked by bad guys.

Dear men! If you cannot answer the above simple questions honestly, please, do not discombobulate women. Then you better look for a wife in your own country, or at least a girl who speaks your language fluently.

Think about what I wrote, and maybe you�ll change your mind about looking for a Russian wife. I doubt that they will speak honestly with you in another agency; very often, the truth is being hidden because it is more profitable that way. Agencies look for clients who come to their websites and pay money for it. Nobody cares what happens after that to them and to their dates.

Is it easy to find a Russian wife?

Is it easy to find a Russian wife?

Perhaps most men who were lucky in their search for a loved one or who are just thinking of finding a Russian wife would answer, �Of course it is easy, what�s so difficult about it? There are hundreds of thousands of Russian women on various dating sites � just choose the one you like!�

But it only seems easy. We must realize that the percentage of truly good, family oriented girls isn�t that high. Some men I meet at work believe that about 90% of women are scammers. I think that even if they are exaggerating  the number a bit, they are not too far from truth. Men often complain that women post photos that were taken 10 years ago, and when they finally meet, women look 10years older and 20 pounds heavier. Who is to blame here? You should have met your potential date in Skype first, or maybe asked her to send you a recent picture with the date on it.

It is much worse when a woman looks even better that on her photo, and it seems that your mutual happiness is just a step away, but in reality this beautiful woman is already married and meeting you is just her side job. There are many possible scenarios. For example, she can play sick and ask you for the money to buy expensive medicine to help her get better faster so that she can be with you. After you give her the money, you�ll probably never see her again. Or, this woman can go on regular dates with you, and at some point she will tell you a sad story of her sick mother or grandmother who needs a sitter that the family cannot afford. You�ll probably offer her financial help after that. After all, you haven�t come all the way to Russia to spend your time alone in your hotel room. It is not going to be fun to stay here without your date. Most people speak only Russian, so even going to a restroom will be a problem because no one will understand you ))

In another scenario, a girl can ask you to pay for her foreign language courses. She needs them because she met you and fell in love with you at the first sight. However, when you are already back to your country, she will write you a letter saying that she thought things over and decided that you aren�t really her type, or maybe she changed her mind and doesn�t want to marry a foreign man after all.

�What should I do then?� you�ll probably ask. Don�t be shy. Ask her for her phone number. Meet in Skype using an online translator if she doesn�t speak English. Ask her to send you a scanned page of her passport where marriage information is located. Give her a link to this article )) However, these are simple preventive measures, and of course they don�t guarantee anything. You cannot read your date�s thoughts.

What else can be done? Well, a really good dating agency would do. In men�s opinion, 90% of all dating agencies are scammers working together with the women. Pay attention to details, use your intuition, learn from others� mistakes, and read forum posts written by real users. Do not read reviews � we all know who writes them. Take your search for a wife seriously and minimize the risk of getting into an unpleasant situation.

It is best to use �Individual search� option if an agency offers it. But first learn what exactly you�ll get for the money you pay. Some agencies ask 10000 dollars for the individual search, and all you get are detailed questionnaires of women with several pages of their biography, which won�t tell you who they really are anyway.

In my next article read about the reason why I think the individual search is the best solution.

Emotional infertility � the 21st century problem

Among many problems of the modern society is the one called �emotional infertility� � an issue which leads to birth rate decline. This new term was introduced by sociologists not so long ago. Emotional infertility is characterized by women�s conscious or unconscious refusal to bear children.

The term �emotional infertility� is based upon the idea that a woman is physically able to conceive, bear, and raise a healthy child, but has no desire to do so. Why does this happen? What is going on with modern women?

Women of the new generation seek to have careers. They want to be confident, self-sufficient, successful, and not dependent on men, they want to stand firmly on their feet. This leads to becoming choosier when it comes to getting into a serious relationship with a partner. The chosen one has to be a great man and a perfect father.

What reasons drive women? Very often demands placed upon the chosen man are just too high and unrealistic. Women look for intelligence, good looks, strength, the ability to make decisions, financial stability, the ability to love, self-realization, etc. It is hard to find all these qualities in a single person, and the discrepancy between dreams and real qualities of the potential partner leads to loneliness and refusal to have kids. For a modern woman, her future children�s father has to be an ideal man; she is not ready to accept him with all his real flaws. 

Emotional infertility problem has touched not only single women, but the married ones as well. Today there exists a high number of married women who refuse to have children with their husbands. Subconsciously, they do not see them as fathers of their potential children. It doesn�t lead to immediate break up, but emotional infertility does cause family problems, and, in more critical situations, leads to divorce. 

Today�s specialists have not come up with any medicine that could cure emotional infertility. It is seen as a psychological dysfunction, and psychological therapy can be used to correct the problem. Only a professional psychotherapist can help sort things out, find existing problems, and look for the solution.

Mothers and fathers need to instill in their daughters the desire to become wives and mothers. At the same time, being a wife and a mother doesn�t conflict with being a successful professional. Every woman can reach success both in her family life and on her chosen career path. Before looking for the flaws in our partners, we need to look at ourselves. Self-cultivation is useful for everyone.

What should alarm you in the letters you receive from Russian women?

If you have already written to several women, and especially if you were �lucky� enough to come across scammers, you�ve probably noticed that different women write different type of letters. There is a special category of letters, in which women start talking about love way too soon. In the second or third letter to you they already write that they are in love, that you are the one and only man they�ve been waiting for, et cetera. Of course, it�s flattering to read such things, and what single man wouldn�t want to hear something like that, especially if he normally doesn�t get too much attention from women? Here we have a young Russian beauty telling him she loves him. How could anybody resist? Full of joy, you�ll send her money and presents, and that�s exactly what she is trying to get.

Very often such �love� letters are written using the same sample, and only the men�s names change. It�s really easy to find these samples in English in the Internet; you don�t even need to spend time on making it up yourself. Also, one could buy the whole book of sample letters and use a different one every day.  

These kinds of letters can have a very strong psychological effect on a single person. It can be considered a type of a psychological weapon � a manipulation tool. It is similar to how governments and media manipulate their subjects. Of course, manipulating one person cannot be compared to a large scale manipulation of an entire nation, but in terms of how it works it is essentially the same. When a man hears that he is loved, he seeks to fulfill a role given to him by the nature itself � a role of a protector.

In psychoanalysis, there is something called �archetypes� � a concept, created by Carl Jung. One of these archetypes is the Protector. A �protector� mechanism exists in every male�s mind, so when a man hears about love, it flatters his ego, and subconsciously he feels the need or desire to protect, provide, or just make a woman feel good. His subconscious is telling him, �So what if she is not my ideal woman? She says that she likes ME, so she needs me. She needs my protection and support. By the way, she is not that bad after all��

Dear men, trust me, Russian women don�t function like this. If a girl is serious about a relationship, she will never write love letters without seeing you in person first. She is smart enough to know that only a real life meeting will show if any true feelings can possibly form between you two and if a relationship can develop. A serious woman won�t feed you love words in advance.

Foreign men often conclude their letters with kisses, call a woman �my dear�, or even add �I love you�. When women receive such letters, they usually ask me, �How can he tell me he loves me if he hasn�t even seen me once?� I have to explain that this has to do with cultural differences. For people from different countries the words �I love you� can mean something less serious, for example, �I like you�.

Without a doubt, a love letter is a very romantic thing. It�s a quest! But everything has to be done at the right time. So, when you receive this type of letter, think about timing. Is it suitable to talk about love at this particular moment of your relationship with a certain woman? If the answer is �no�, it might be a reason to become cautious.

Why do Russian women marry so early?

I asked one of my foreign clients what kind of articles he would like to read on my blog. He bombarded me with questions, and one of them was the following: Why do Russian women get married and have kids so young? He faced this issue while he was looking for a Russian wife. All the girls he would choose were either divorced or single mothers. 

The case is that it is traditional for a Russian woman to marry early. It has become a custom and is now a part of the Russian culture. There is a widespread stereotype that if a 24-25 year old girl is unmarried, she�s considered an old maid. However strange it may sound, but psychologically, Russian girls would feel better married and divorced than never married.

One of my �never married� acquaintances, a 31 year old woman who for some personal reasons refuses to use dating sites and agencies to find a husband, has admitted to me that it is very difficult for her to attend family celebrations and reunions. She cannot stand pitying glances and questions from her relatives about when she�ll finally get married.

For the most part, Russian women get married while attending a college or a university, when they are 18-20 years old. It�s easier to find a husband at school; very often they marry their classmates. Being children themselves, they form families and start having kids. The reasonable question to ask is how these young families support themselves if both parents are still unemployed students.

The answer is simple: they survive thanks to their parents. In Russia, parents help their children as long as they have the strength and the means to do so. This is also a Russian tradition. For example, my 80 year old neighbor is using his money to build a cottage for his good-for-nothing 55 year old son.

This is why young people don�t really bother to think about how their young family will manage, especially if they come from a well-to-do family. In this case, the wedding will be paid by the parents who will also give the young ones an apartment and a car. They will also pay for the university and take care of all the general expenses of the newlyweds.

But not all parents are capable of providing their children with such luxurious lifestyle. In poorer families, children live with their parents, staying in one of the rooms. If there is no extra room for them, they rent an apartment and start working part time while going to school, and their parents help them out as much as they can.

The Russian belief in �on the off chance� also plays a significant role in this. Young people don�t think seriously about contraception, hoping they�ll be lucky not to get pregnant, but of course the pregnancy does happen, and they have to marry, but these kinds of marriages eventually fall apart.

In the resent years the situation has started to change. Young people are not in a hurry to get married and take on all the burdens of the family life. They want to get an education, find jobs, and get a desired career. They save money to buy cars and houses, they date, but� they don�t marry, which also becomes a problem for women. Since young guys are not in a hurry to get married, women simply don�t have anyone to marry! It has become a saying that if you don�t find a husband while attending a university, you�ll never get married. ))

The times of the Soviet Union have passed. Back then students would have guaranteed stable jobs once they were done with school. The government would provide them with apartments, so it was much easier to start a family. Today it�s not easy for young men because they are the ones who have to provide for the family. That�s why they don�t rush to marry.

Because of all this girls try to marry as soon as possible, and, taking into consideration the divorce rate, later become divorced single mothers.

What do you absolutely have to tell your future Russian wife?

This is a real life story.

A man from New Zealand comes to Russia to meet my agency's client. They are not romantically involved, so I introduce him to another woman. I must make it clear that this young woman is not some sad, unemployed, desperate person in search of a potential husband who�d solve all her problems. Not at all! This woman is smart, beautiful, and educated. She gets a lot of attention from men, but she is looking for her true love. She is not poor either. According to Russian standards, her $1000 salary is not bad, but one cannot call her rich either. She has two sons. One of them is thirteen, and another one is two years old. She rents an apartment and lives from salary to salary, but her family eats healthy, dresses well, and goes to Crimea every summer. Her parents live in the countryside and help raise the kids. Her life is set, and she does have things to lose.    

The New Zealand man meets her and they immediately feel mutual attraction. I could call it love. Everything is well until the man asks her to move to New Zealand for half a year. He wants to know if she is ready to leave Russia and move to another country with him. He doesn�t want to marry a woman with two kids, so he suggests that she leaves one of her children with the grandparents. This is unacceptable for a normal Russian woman, but that�s not the point now. To leave Russia for six months, she has to quit her stable job. If something happens and the relationship doesn�t work out the way they hope it will, she�ll have to return to Russia. She won�t be able to find another good job easily. She cannot work for $200 a month either � this won�t be enough to pay for the apartment and to support her kids. For these reasons moving to another country is a serious step. It requires a lot of careful thinking.

That�s why the woman asks some innocent and very important questions: How will my children and I survive in another country? Where will we get the money? Will I be able to work? What kind of salary will I get? Will I be given some pocket money while I adapt to the new country, learn the language, and  find a job?   

The man is a very wealthy farmer. He doesn�t give any intelligible answers. He only says that the woman will be able to work. For example, she can work on his farm. The woman loves working the land, so she gladly agrees and asks her boyfriend how much he will pay her for work. He, in turn, wonders why all Russian women think only about money. �What does money have to do with anything? We are in love with each other, why talk about money?� The woman answers that she cannot go into the unknown with her two children. She needs to feed and dress them. They can get sick and may need expensive medical treatments. Her parents are growing older, and she needs to visit them at least once a year. Plane tickets are expensive as well. There are many other issues that have to be taken into consideration, and that�s why she is asking about what kind of money she can count on. Note that the woman doesn�t ask for money; she asks whether she�ll be able to earn it. She is ready to work, and she wants to know what kind of salary she can expect. The man doesn�t provide any satisfactory answers. He keeps saying, �You only have money on your mind, but what about our love?�

He also keeps calling me and writing letters to the agency, and I am trying to explain that women who decide to go to another country must know what to expect. They need to know how much money they will have, what kind of life they will live, how often they�ll be able to visit Russia, etc. These things are important to know in order to avoid problems and bitter feelings in the future.

The man describes the situation, their future life together, all the little details, and the woman decides if it works for her or not. The woman in our story has two children, and she has no moral right to risk their wellbeing by taking them into the unknown when they already have a descent life in Russia. The man, however, refuses to provide the answers. He only blames the woman for being crazy about the money. Of course, this relationship was destroyed because of lack of communication and understanding

You can draw your conclusions from this story. 

P.S.

The good thing is that the man didn�t try to fool his girlfriend. Otherwise the woman would probably find herself in a position of a slave on his farm. If she decided to return to Russia, she would have to rebuild her life from scratch.

Advice.

Dear men! Be honest and open about what kind of life and lifestyle the woman can count on. It doesn�t matter how rich you are. You must be truthful so that the woman can realistically picture her future with you in this international marriage.