You can find the right person and it can result in a loving relationship.

You can find the right person and it can result in a loving relationship. But, do you wonder how? First, when it comes to dating, start by keeping an open mind and having a sense of humor. There are many people out there and you will not fall in love with every single person you meet. You might think that you are aiming for someone who is really good looking, but does that person have the traits that will make your heart flip and fall hopelessly in love? Sometimes it may happen, but at other times you may be totally turned off.



So, how can you know what�s in a person�s mind and heart and decide whether that person is right for you? You never want to judge a book by its cover. You might think that the nerdy guy next door is not good enough for you, but computer geeks are the ones who tend to make the most money, more than the average hot looking guy. You should get to know the person inside out before you decide to move on to the next candidate.

The main key is to find men and women who are compatible with you so you do not waste a great deal of time in a relationship that goes nowhere. You can either do this on your own or you can use a dating site to help limit your choices and find people who are serious in finding other people with whom they share interests and goals. It helps to sift through incompatible people before you become seriously involved with a person you are considering dating seriously.



Dating services can hook you up with single men and women you wouldn�t ordinarily meet. You should look for a dating site that will make you think about compatibility, not only based on looks, but more on what makes that person someone you will want to date. This will include what interests that person has and what values that are also shared with you, how the person was brought up and whether a steady job is part of the equation.



The dating sites often takes the guess work out of it. If you like bowling, for example, you can see who else likes bowling, too. It�s like shopping. Eligible candidates are offered to see who is the most compatible with you in terms of personality and interests. There are some men and women who may only have a few common interests with you, but they may still show up on your compatibility chart. When you are scrolling through different people, look for profiles that have a higher matching score or who have more similar interests with you. This will lead to a better chance of having a happier relationship that may ultimately lead to a wedding.



Humor comes into play as you might just fall in love with someone whom you least expected, such as the average looking man or woman. How about the bookworm at the library or the hefty guy who lives down the road? You would probably not have looked at them twice if you had not gotten to know them on a daily basis in the first.



However, they might be more compatible with you than the hot guys or girls you see on the beach. The guy or the chick at the beach might be fun to date but he or she might not be marriage material. It does not mean that they are not right for someone else or that they are bad people either. It just means that they may value freedom more than commitment at this point in their life. They could be just right for another freedom loving person who doesn�t want to be married just yet.



This means that before you decide to date someone who might change you inadvertently, you should remember who you are deep inside. Once you find the right person, whether it's a man or a woman, he or she has to respect you and not try to change you.



This is the key to maintaining a happy relationship, especially during the dating phase. If  either of you changes a lot to make the other person happy or to attract the other person or to make them fall in love with you, it will never lead to marriage or the wedding that you long for. If it does, it can lead to divorce eventually because either you or your spouse will become unhappy as this is not who you truly are. Be your authentic self.



There is one more reason compatibility comes in handy in relationships. This is because the compatibility and interests will lead to more meaningful conversations. In conclusion, in order to find the perfect match, to find a person you can love and marry, you have to have an open mind, a sense of humor and a willingness to explore your options.



You should look for someone who is the most compatible with you. You can do it on your own or through a dating site which helps you narrow the dating pool by having those interests listed on their profile. You should never try to change or to change someone else in order to be truly happy and become married. This will ultimately make both of you unhappy no matter what your sexual identity is; this is the truth. The last thing is communication; open, honest communication is very important in a relationship for a relationship to last and for both of you to be happy.

The geologist from the sun.

I was wracked by a new flu strain. Isabel Vineberg, our district doctor, prohibited all friends' visits and prescribed a whole lot of medicines that made me drowsy. Endless TV shows and series didn't call my attention. My mother would visit me after work, and chatting with her somewhat lightened my miserable existence, but her presence wore me down as well. Saint Valentine's Day was approaching, and I was in a dismal mood. It had been six months since my break up with James.



One of those evenings I looked after my mom as she left, then somberly opened my notebook to check Facebook and Twitter. There was nothing interesting, so I decided to get into a chat room, hoping it would cheer me up. Although I usually avoided those killers of live communication, in the current situation it seemed like a good idea. At once I ran into a couple of offers to cut the dust. Stupid nicknames like SWEETIE89 and BE_MINE only strengthened my belief that chat rooms weren't the best places to meet new people. Putting the notebook to the side, I stared at the ceiling illuminated by the car lights. The thought of celebrating Valentines Day alone, without flowers and presents, without going to the movies, filled me with despair, and bitter tears blurred my eyes.



An encompassing wave of depression was interrupted by a sharp beep. I jerked nervously and stared at the monitor, which displayed the following message:



"Hello! I am a geologist from the Sun." Well, I thought, at least it's not corny. "I am looking for a missing component for an important solar discovery. Might it be you?" he typed.

I don't know what came over me when I agreed to exchange our phone numbers right away. It turned out that the "Sun geologist" had an earthly name, Alexander, and that he lived on the Sunny Street. From then on my sick days were filled wit joy and life didn't seem so dull anymore. His text messages were coming one after another, and I could no longer imagine my days without Alexander�s voice. The peak moment happened when my door bell rang, interrupting our phone conversation. I opened the door and saw a delivery man with a huge plush rabbit, a bunch of balloons tied to the rabbit�s soft feet.



"Is this for me?" I asked, amazed. "Of course it is for you. It�s the Sun rabbit. Get better", said Alexander's voice in my phone. "But how did you know my apartment number?" I wondered. "It wasn't that difficult," he laughed. "You told me your building number, and you are the only Margaret living there, not counting the eighty two year old Margaret Johnson on the first floor."



It�s great when you have a similar mindset with another person. It was as if Alexander was my personification in another body. Like me, he loved thunderstorms, evening walks on the beach, and feeling of the morning dew on his bare feet. He liked hot chocolate and pet rabbits, fast bike rides, and singing in the shower. He majored in architecture - something I was unable to accomplish at some point of my life, and, like me, he painted landscapes. My illness was diminishing, and doctor Vineberg promised to release me from my �house arrest� in a couple of days.



"Come to your senses!" my friend Bettie tried to disabuse me of my romantic euphoria. "What if he turns out to be a short, blotchy creep with a fat belly? You haven't even seen his photo!" I tried to calm Bettie by telling her that there was nothing wrong if two people with matching interests wanted to meet even if they�d met online. Besides, he hadn't seen my picture either.



Alexander called around 7 PM and proposed to meet the next day. We decided we would meet in the nearby park in front of the Central Alley. Alexander described himself as a tall, blonde, blue-eyed man who would be dressed in a black leather jacket and a pair of blue jeans. I decided not to say anything about myself because I wanted to see him first.



I was so nervous! I spent an entire hour straightening my hair, and another hour an a half was wasted on choosing what to wear. Then I did my special eye make up. A couple of perfume drops, and, at last, I was ready. Worrying about my hair, I called a taxi.



I got to the park on time and was shocked by the number of people waiting for their dates around the spot Alexander and I had picked. Several pairs of young people were kissing passionately. Laughing children scampered by, followed by their screaming parents. I chose one of the unoccupied park benches and looked around. Opposite of me sat a gum-chewing, slattern-looking guy, and next to him was an old man with a paper bag of sunflower seeds. The old man was feeding pigeons, and it seemed they weren�t afraid of him. I assumed that he used to feed these birds regularly because they gathered around him fearlessly, raising clouds of feathers and drops of the melting snow.



�Will you stop feeding these disgusting creatures already!� the untidy guy snapped. �What a lousy day. She is late, damn her, someone spilled their coffee all over my jacket� And now, these pigeons!�



�How strange,� I thought. �Alexander is also late, and he said he�d be wearing a black leather jacket as well.� My thoughts were interrupted by the rude guy who was now talking on the phone: �Yeah, I am in the park in front of your apartment building! Come on, I�ve been waiting forever!�



I thought of calling Alexander, but something stopped me. Another young man approached. He carried two paper bags in his hands, and it was obvious that they contained beer bottles. My rude bench neighbor went on to complain that the kiosk owners didn�t bother to open the beers. �Calm down, Alex,� his friend said. �I�ll open them with my keys.�



Alex?! My feelings sank. I never expected to see this �Alex� instead of my romantic Alexander. He called himself blue-eyed, but instead I saw the watery, lack-luster eyes of an alcoholic. The promised blonde wasn�t there either - his colorless, greasy hair barely covered the bold spot. And I dared to believe that I was so close to happiness! I imagined the triumph on Bettie�s face.



I slowly rose from the bench and headed to the nearby caf�. Disappointed, I was waiting for the scrawny waiter to bring me my hot coffee. The place was rather crowded, so it was going to take a while.



The door opened. A good-looking young man came in. He looked around, saw an empty chair next to my table, and quickly approached. �May I?� he asked, shaking snowflakes off the sleeve of his black leather jacket. �Sure�, I shrugged, smelling the nice, faint aroma of his expensive perfume. �Please forgive me,� he blurted out, �but I am in desperate need of your help. I was supposed to meet with one beautiful lady a while ago, but it seems we�ve missed one another. My phone is dead, I cannot call her. I am afraid she�ll think badly of me if I don�t find her at once. Would you let the unpunctual guff-ball borrow your phone?�



Doubting for a moment, I decided I had nothing to lose. �Sure,� I said. �I hope you�ll be able to save yourself in the eyes of your beautiful lady.� Thanking me, the stranger dialed. �It doesn�t go through,� he said a moment later, baffled. �Let me try,� I said. �Give me her number.� �Fourteen, seventy seven�� he started. �But this is my number!� I exclaimed, astonished, staring at the blonde man in blue jeans and a black leather jacket, and drowning in his deep-blue eyes.



� Elena Ohotnik.

What should alarm you in the letters you receive from Russian women?

If you have already written to several women, and especially if you were �lucky� enough to come across scammers, you�ve probably noticed that different women write different type of letters. There is a special category of letters, in which women start talking about love way too soon. In the second or third letter to you they already write that they are in love, that you are the one and only man they�ve been waiting for, et cetera. Of course, it�s flattering to read such things, and what single man wouldn�t want to hear something like that, especially if he normally doesn�t get too much attention from women? Here we have a young Russian beauty telling him she loves him. How could anybody resist? Full of joy, you�ll send her money and presents, and that�s exactly what she is trying to get.

Very often such �love� letters are written using the same sample, and only the men�s names change. It�s really easy to find these samples in English in the Internet; you don�t even need to spend time on making it up yourself. Also, one could buy the whole book of sample letters and use a different one every day.  

These kinds of letters can have a very strong psychological effect on a single person. It can be considered a type of a psychological weapon � a manipulation tool. It is similar to how governments and media manipulate their subjects. Of course, manipulating one person cannot be compared to a large scale manipulation of an entire nation, but in terms of how it works it is essentially the same. When a man hears that he is loved, he seeks to fulfill a role given to him by the nature itself � a role of a protector.

In psychoanalysis, there is something called �archetypes� � a concept, created by Carl Jung. One of these archetypes is the Protector. A �protector� mechanism exists in every male�s mind, so when a man hears about love, it flatters his ego, and subconsciously he feels the need or desire to protect, provide, or just make a woman feel good. His subconscious is telling him, �So what if she is not my ideal woman? She says that she likes ME, so she needs me. She needs my protection and support. By the way, she is not that bad after all��

Dear men, trust me, Russian women don�t function like this. If a girl is serious about a relationship, she will never write love letters without seeing you in person first. She is smart enough to know that only a real life meeting will show if any true feelings can possibly form between you two and if a relationship can develop. A serious woman won�t feed you love words in advance.

Foreign men often conclude their letters with kisses, call a woman �my dear�, or even add �I love you�. When women receive such letters, they usually ask me, �How can he tell me he loves me if he hasn�t even seen me once?� I have to explain that this has to do with cultural differences. For people from different countries the words �I love you� can mean something less serious, for example, �I like you�.

Without a doubt, a love letter is a very romantic thing. It�s a quest! But everything has to be done at the right time. So, when you receive this type of letter, think about timing. Is it suitable to talk about love at this particular moment of your relationship with a certain woman? If the answer is �no�, it might be a reason to become cautious.

Age difference in international marriages.

Another question has been raised by one of my clients. Very often young Russian women write love letters to older men who could be their fathers or even grandfathers. Are these women truly interested in men who are so much older than themselves?
Of course they are not, and it�s strange that men don�t realize that. In these letters, men are being tricked, and it�s better to recognize that right away instead of building hopes and going crazy because a young girl fell in love with you. In 99% of the cases girls who write love letters to you, an older guy, are interested only in your money. Some men, however, simply refuse to believe this, and eventually lose their wealth. And they keep making the same mistake over and over again! But it is so easy to check if a woman is truly interested in you. Just change your profile information. For example, write that you are a clerk working in some small company, and that you have a plain, but decent life. You are not starving, of course, you prefer a healthy lifestyle, and once in a while you are able to afford to travel somewhere not too pricey. You cannot promise your future wife a luxurious lifestyle, but you do guarantee that you�ll care for, respect, and love her. Make something up, post it in your profile, and see if any young girls will be interested in you ))
It�s a totally different story when men understand exactly what these girls want, accept it, and play along. They want to have a young Russian wife or girlfriend, and they are ready to pay for it because they cannot get what they want any other way.

International marriages between people with great age differences do happen. I see it as a deal of some sort. And why not, after all? Poor, desperate young women often marry older guys. A man receives a young beautiful woman in exchange for his money. The woman is not suffering; her life improves tremendously, she doesn�t have to worry about survival anymore. She can turn out to be a nice person and become a truly great wife for this rich man. With time, she may even fall in love with her older husband. However, this doesn�t happen all the time, so men should be cautious.
It often happens that a woman doesn�t want to get married to her older admirer. All she wants is to get as much money from him as she can while being happily married to a Russian husband. It�s interesting that many men are willing to give their money away. It seems that they lose their wits while being with a young, beautiful woman.
If you are not a client of a dating or marriage agency that checks women and takes responsibility for both parties, it won�t hurt to ask your potential wife or girlfriend to send you her scanned passport pages. A clean family status page means that she is not married. Two stamps mean she�s been married and divorced.


Unfortunately, going to a dating agency doesn�t always guarantee that you�ll meet a woman who truly wants to create a family. Many agencies out there are scammers working with the women who are out there to trick you. This is why you should be careful when choosing an agency.

Going for a vacation with a Russian woman.

Very often after a first meeting a man offers a woman to meet again on a neutral territory. For example, if a man is from Australia or New Zealand and a woman is from Russia, it might be convenient to spend a vacation together in Thailand. Normally a man would take care of all the expenses, including those of a woman he wants to meet. It�s not because Russian women want to travel as somebody else�s expense and then pay off with their bodies. These kinds of girls exist too, but we are not talking about prostitutes here. We are discussing normal women who seek to create a family, who get a regular Russian salary, which is not enough to visit even Crimea, let alone Thailand! Most of these women have never been abroad. Some of them have traveled to Turkey or Egypt which are the most affordable places to go if you live in Russia. Men know all this and are happy to cover the travel expenses. However, there are cases when these journeys turn into nightmarish experiences for women. Thankfully, these cases are very rare.
This is another real life story. Please read this article if you are going to invite a Russian girl for a vacation abroad.

A man meets a woman, and a relationship starts. He offers to have their first meeting in Thailand. She cannot afford this because her entire salary is used to support her kids. Moreover, she�s already used her vacation time this year, and her next vacation is eight months from now, so she can miss work only at her own expense. This is unacceptable for her because she doesn�t want to lose money. If she takes a vacation, she�ll receive only one fifth of her regular salary once she is back to work. Her salary is composed mainly from the percent of the sales she makes.
The woman explains all this and invites the man to come to Russia instead, but he states that he is ready to pay for all the expenses, including whatever money she is going to lose while missing work. The woman agrees and for the first time in her life travels abroad. She is taking her credit card with her.


Three days later this woman contacts me in Skype, and, crying, says that she is always hungry because the food in the restaurants where they eat is served raw. Yes, people eat raw food in Thailand, and Russian people aren�t used to that. The woman has to eat whatever is given to her because the man doesn�t take her to the more expensive restaurants where the food is actually cooked. Of course, this is not the end of the world, and by the end of this trip the woman even feels fond of the raw food ))


One day the woman sees some body cream in the store and pays for it with her credit card. Right after that the card gets blocked by the bank. She didn�t know that she had to go to the bank and get a special permission to use the card abroad. As a result, she is now out of money. During the vacation she comes across various souvenirs and little things that she likes, but she cannot buy anything anymore. The man doesn�t even think of buying one or two inexpensive things for her, but it�s fine. He doesn�t really have to do that, right? She can survive without them.
But these little things are nothing in comparison to what she feels like when he insults her. She is young and beautiful, she attracts people�s attention, and now and then men ask if she is his wife. The man repeatedly answers right in front of her, not feeling a bit of shame, �Oh, no, of course not! My wife is in New Zealand. This is my Russian girlfriend!�


And this is done by a potential husband who is supposed to be looking for a Russian wife! The woman realizes that she is being used like a pretty toy. The man is flattered to be escorted by a young, beautiful, smart girl, and he enjoys seeing the envy in other men�s eyes! To feed his ego, he is ready to pay for the plane tickets and restaurants with raw food for the woman. It� O.K. because he is rich enough, he can afford it.
After the vacation, the man walks the woman to the airport and says his good bye.
Arriving to Moscow, the woman calls me and tells me that she has no money to get home to Belgorod because her credit card is blocked. The man knew that but decided to ignore the fact, and the woman didn�t ask him for the money. There�s no need to mention that he never compensated her salary losses.


Dear men! If you invite a woman to spend some time abroad and say that you�ll take care of all the expenses, please, make sure that the woman has the means to get back home, that she can buy a plane ticket HOME, not just to Moscow from where she�ll have to take another plane or a train.
And, most importantly, if you call yourselves men, be them and behave like gentlemen. Don�t insult women even if you are only playing being serious, but in reality plan to just have a good time with a beautiful woman. A true gentleman would never act like this anyway; he wouldn�t use a girl who is looking for a husband and a family. There are other kinds of girls to use for mere entertainment, and you can find lots of them in the Internet. So, what is the problem?