Is love a compromise?

Should people accept each other as is, or is it better to try rectifying one�s imperfect partner? Most people will answer this question sensibly � we should accept people as they are, and that�s the right way. Why then, knowing what�s right, do we do the opposite, thus destroying our families and killing our loves? Just think about it. How many divorces could be avoided if people were doing something more productive instead of trying to change one another? Those who understand this feel much happier.

Let�s look at one commonplace soccer situation. Most men love this sport and spend considerable amounts of time at the stadium or in front of the TV. Women hate that and keep nagging at their husbands. But what would happen if poor husbands objected our shopping or the time we spend with our girlfriends? Here is the compromise: while her husband watches soccer, the wife can chat with a girlfriend on the phone. It�s an open secret that many women love to sleep late in the morning. Let it happen only during the weekend since not everyone has an opportunity to get up late every day. Guys, really! The fair sex needs that beauty sleep. Women�s gorgeous looks, their attractiveness directly depend on the number of hours they spend in bed.

Do husbands let their wives sleep? No! They growl, call their loved ones �lazy�, and demand a hot breakfast. Why don�t we try to find a compromise in this situation as well? If you like a big breakfast, make an agreement with your wife and let her prepare something the day before. In the morning you can warm your breakfast in the microwave. And if you are satisfied with a simple pair of sandwiches, a plate of oatmeal, or a coffee, you can prepare all this yourself. It is not that complicated and it�s worth to see your lovely wife in a great mood when she wakes up. When these little nothings of life take place, try to find agreements with each other. Talk � don�t be sulky. Don�t declare a boycott because it will not solve the problem.

Look for compromises. Don�t destroy your love. �My dear, I won�t tell you a word tomorrow evening, and I will let you watch the entire ballgame (meet with friends, attend a sauna, play dominoes, lotto, backgammon), and you will let me sleep until noon (visit a cosmetologist, meet with my girlfriend, buy a new dress, go to the movies with the kid), all right?� Then you�ll see how much more peaceful and relaxed your family environment will become. Know how to communicate and look for compromises!

Why do I prefer the individual search?

I am asking the other agencies to forgive me in advance; they�ll probably want to kill me after reading this article )) To tell you the truth, I had doubts about letting my readers know about the shady side of dating agencies, but after giving it some thought I decided that sharing this information will be useful.

Most girls whose profiles you find on the best dating websites are dating agencies� clients. Websites profit from this � the more women post on them, the more men register, so the website owners get more money from its users. Some sites tell you a member of what dating agency the woman is, but others don�t mention this at all. Very often website owners have no idea if women are dating agency clients or not because these agencies create dating profiles for their clients. And women themselves often hide the fact that they are members of some dating agency.

What�s so bad about a woman being in the agency? Nothing. It�s even better if a woman uses services of a good dating agency that takes responsibility for its clients, knows them personally, and checks their identity, etc., which enables the agency to guarantee that its clients aren�t scammers. Of course, this is a good thing.

However, there is one disadvantage that men are unaware of. Very few women can write insightful letters that interest a man so much that he would want to meet personally and come all the way to Russia or Ukraine. After all, a personal meeting, and, hopefully, marriage is the ultimate goal. A girl who doesn�t speak English very well simply cannot produce a letter that would attract attention of a potential husband. For the same reason many girls cannot use phone or Skype. That�s why agencies write letters for their clients.))

Someone might argue, �What�s so bad about that? It�s fine as long as the letter contains no lies.� Well, personally I wouldn�t want to go to another country to meet a person who I know only through letters written by somebody else. He or she might be a completely different person who most likely won�t interest me. It is for this reason that most meetings don�t have any continuation. But men don�t know this, and there�s no way to check if the letters they receive are written by their potential dates or by somebody else. They write to women, come to their home countries, go on dates with several of them, but never find the one who they�d like to marry.

Count how much money you spend on all these trips that lead to nothing. Isn�t it better to pay for the individual search and meet several women during the same visit � women who are found specifically for you, taking in consideration your criteria? It is your choice!

Emotional infertility � the 21st century problem

Among many problems of the modern society is the one called �emotional infertility� � an issue which leads to birth rate decline. This new term was introduced by sociologists not so long ago. Emotional infertility is characterized by women�s conscious or unconscious refusal to bear children.

The term �emotional infertility� is based upon the idea that a woman is physically able to conceive, bear, and raise a healthy child, but has no desire to do so. Why does this happen? What is going on with modern women?

Women of the new generation seek to have careers. They want to be confident, self-sufficient, successful, and not dependent on men, they want to stand firmly on their feet. This leads to becoming choosier when it comes to getting into a serious relationship with a partner. The chosen one has to be a great man and a perfect father.

What reasons drive women? Very often demands placed upon the chosen man are just too high and unrealistic. Women look for intelligence, good looks, strength, the ability to make decisions, financial stability, the ability to love, self-realization, etc. It is hard to find all these qualities in a single person, and the discrepancy between dreams and real qualities of the potential partner leads to loneliness and refusal to have kids. For a modern woman, her future children�s father has to be an ideal man; she is not ready to accept him with all his real flaws. 

Emotional infertility problem has touched not only single women, but the married ones as well. Today there exists a high number of married women who refuse to have children with their husbands. Subconsciously, they do not see them as fathers of their potential children. It doesn�t lead to immediate break up, but emotional infertility does cause family problems, and, in more critical situations, leads to divorce. 

Today�s specialists have not come up with any medicine that could cure emotional infertility. It is seen as a psychological dysfunction, and psychological therapy can be used to correct the problem. Only a professional psychotherapist can help sort things out, find existing problems, and look for the solution.

Mothers and fathers need to instill in their daughters the desire to become wives and mothers. At the same time, being a wife and a mother doesn�t conflict with being a successful professional. Every woman can reach success both in her family life and on her chosen career path. Before looking for the flaws in our partners, we need to look at ourselves. Self-cultivation is useful for everyone.

What do you absolutely have to tell your future Russian wife?

This is a real life story.

A man from New Zealand comes to Russia to meet my agency's client. They are not romantically involved, so I introduce him to another woman. I must make it clear that this young woman is not some sad, unemployed, desperate person in search of a potential husband who�d solve all her problems. Not at all! This woman is smart, beautiful, and educated. She gets a lot of attention from men, but she is looking for her true love. She is not poor either. According to Russian standards, her $1000 salary is not bad, but one cannot call her rich either. She has two sons. One of them is thirteen, and another one is two years old. She rents an apartment and lives from salary to salary, but her family eats healthy, dresses well, and goes to Crimea every summer. Her parents live in the countryside and help raise the kids. Her life is set, and she does have things to lose.    

The New Zealand man meets her and they immediately feel mutual attraction. I could call it love. Everything is well until the man asks her to move to New Zealand for half a year. He wants to know if she is ready to leave Russia and move to another country with him. He doesn�t want to marry a woman with two kids, so he suggests that she leaves one of her children with the grandparents. This is unacceptable for a normal Russian woman, but that�s not the point now. To leave Russia for six months, she has to quit her stable job. If something happens and the relationship doesn�t work out the way they hope it will, she�ll have to return to Russia. She won�t be able to find another good job easily. She cannot work for $200 a month either � this won�t be enough to pay for the apartment and to support her kids. For these reasons moving to another country is a serious step. It requires a lot of careful thinking.

That�s why the woman asks some innocent and very important questions: How will my children and I survive in another country? Where will we get the money? Will I be able to work? What kind of salary will I get? Will I be given some pocket money while I adapt to the new country, learn the language, and  find a job?   

The man is a very wealthy farmer. He doesn�t give any intelligible answers. He only says that the woman will be able to work. For example, she can work on his farm. The woman loves working the land, so she gladly agrees and asks her boyfriend how much he will pay her for work. He, in turn, wonders why all Russian women think only about money. �What does money have to do with anything? We are in love with each other, why talk about money?� The woman answers that she cannot go into the unknown with her two children. She needs to feed and dress them. They can get sick and may need expensive medical treatments. Her parents are growing older, and she needs to visit them at least once a year. Plane tickets are expensive as well. There are many other issues that have to be taken into consideration, and that�s why she is asking about what kind of money she can count on. Note that the woman doesn�t ask for money; she asks whether she�ll be able to earn it. She is ready to work, and she wants to know what kind of salary she can expect. The man doesn�t provide any satisfactory answers. He keeps saying, �You only have money on your mind, but what about our love?�

He also keeps calling me and writing letters to the agency, and I am trying to explain that women who decide to go to another country must know what to expect. They need to know how much money they will have, what kind of life they will live, how often they�ll be able to visit Russia, etc. These things are important to know in order to avoid problems and bitter feelings in the future.

The man describes the situation, their future life together, all the little details, and the woman decides if it works for her or not. The woman in our story has two children, and she has no moral right to risk their wellbeing by taking them into the unknown when they already have a descent life in Russia. The man, however, refuses to provide the answers. He only blames the woman for being crazy about the money. Of course, this relationship was destroyed because of lack of communication and understanding

You can draw your conclusions from this story. 

P.S.

The good thing is that the man didn�t try to fool his girlfriend. Otherwise the woman would probably find herself in a position of a slave on his farm. If she decided to return to Russia, she would have to rebuild her life from scratch.

Advice.

Dear men! Be honest and open about what kind of life and lifestyle the woman can count on. It doesn�t matter how rich you are. You must be truthful so that the woman can realistically picture her future with you in this international marriage.